My human found this mutilated corpse outside the house this morning…..
As usual, her first suspect was me.
Because when I was a puppy I was notoriously known as the Lizard Serial Killer. Ever since I came to live here, the number of lizards had reduced significantly. And I’ve been caught many times with a dead/live lizard in my mouth.
That’s not fair. This time I swear it wasn’t me, because I’ve been indoors most of the time lately (it’s freaking hot outside) and only go out for my walks. Unlike my crazy sister, Spring, who enjoys spending her days outside sunbathing and looking at other dogs…….
Besides, if I were the killer, there would have been NO evidence at all. Because I would have eaten the evidence clean. Lizards are a yummy snack, you know.
I was, however, caught red-handed smashing this tiny little bug……
Sad to say, my human disposed it before I could put it in my mouth….. How disappointing…. 😦
Innocent me! What’s a beagle to do? A beagle will always be a beagle and beagles like me love eating bugs!
Although I would definitely prefer a lizard anytime……
My humans forbid me from eating my own poop – a habit which I had since I was a little puppy. They have taken many, many steps and precautions including cleaning up my poop immediately and supervising me when I’m outside doing my business. Usually, right after I’m done pooping, I get called back inside and given a big tasty treat. So I know that whenever I run back inside after pooping, I get a big tasty treat! Although, I never quite understand why they are so disgusted with poop. It’s like the best thing ever!!
This morning, however, as I was pooping outside…..there was a piece of LONG HAIR in my poop (yup you can guess whose is it….the witch with the long hair)!!!! And the piece of long hair was stuck halfway out of my gross butthole with poop hanging on to it. I panicked because it was like a piece of poop that can never drop out of your butthole!! So I quickly ran back to the patio and dragged my butt around the floor while my human mom went to get some paper to wipe my butt. And pieces of poop just fell about all over the floor. Oh boy, she sure was horrified when she saw the mess. But she calmly cleaned my butt even with the pieces of poop lying around. And as she was wiping my butt, I saw a big, yummy morsel of poop in front of my face and I just couldn’t resist it!!! The temptation was too great!!!!!!! The SMELL was so glorious!!!!! It was warm, moist, and full of aroma, just the way I like it. I tried so hard to look away but I couldn’t! So I opened my mouth and quickly gobbled up that delicious piece of poop with visible orange bits of carrots in it. I did it so fast in a split second before mom could scream “nooooooooooooo!!!” with her shrill voice. I sure was satisfied with myself for what I’ve done, but I’m really puzzled why my mom hated it. She avoided me (and particularly my kisses) after the incident, and kept giving me those chew sticks for cleaning my teeth. I didn’t mind getting those delicious sticks to chew on, but I really so badly wanted to kiss and lick her to thank her!!!! But she kept holding me away at arm’s length. She even said I had poop breath! Wait, isn’t that supposed to be attractive???
Humans sure don’t have a clue on how to appreciate good stuff!
Poops aside, I got to go out for a walk today because the weather was much milder today. It has either been raining or scorching hot for the past few days. I saw another dog on the other side of the road who was twice my size, and I barked my head off at him. His owner thought I was some vicious crazy dog, so she walked him further away. I was so disappointed…. I just wanted to say hello!! He didn’t look too interested though.
I’m so tired I’ll just spend the rest of the evening cuddling up to my human. I hope she’s starting to like my “poop breath” now.